HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYS THEIR HOLIDAYS,
AND THEIR AWESOME CHINESE NEW YEAR! :)

HAHAHAHAHA! Look at this. I found some old pictures.
Too bad i couldn't find year 2008 and 2007. It would be more epic! LOL.
See how much I've changed. From a girl who edits every single photo,
into now, a girl who isn't afraid to show her true smile and her true self.
Quite proud of myself indeed! :DD

To be honest, when i was in form one to form three,
those times were really crazy! and in fact something i wouldn't want to remember.
All the silly things I've done, and said. I really regret TTM.
Although so, i don't regret the decisions and mistake I've made,
cause for every mistake and decision i made, i grew a little more,
i understand a little more, i tear a little less.
Back then, i wasn't actually being myself.
I was so busy trying to be someone else, to impress other people,
until i totally forgot who i truly am. Quite stupid right? :/
All the time trying to grab as much as attention as possible,
trying to be under the spotlight like those others.
I really try so hard, but ever since 2011 i shifted school,
everything changed. I realized so many more things than i expected.
Maybe cause of the environment change, i had to change myself too.
I then knew what it meant by :-
"Be proud of who you are, because God made you."
"Our difference makes us who we are today."

BY THE WAY!!!
Just wanted to wish everyone "HAPPY NEW YEAR!"
I know it's a little too late, but late is better than nothing right? :p
Have been trying to keep myself busy, and sometimes just too lazy to blog.
Hope 2012 would be a year which everyone enjoy, and love.
May there be many happy and lovely returns for everyone out there.
and I would like to take this chance here to apologize.
I'm sorry for offending some of you guys out there, intentionally or unintentionally.
I'm sorry for being so selfish and unreasonable at times,
I'm sorry for showing temper and giving faces when I'm upset.
I'm sorry for making some of you shed tears for my doings.
I'm  sincerely sorry for whatever I've done to probably many of you there.
Especially my parents! Sorry Mummy, Sorry Daddy.
and lastly my brother. Sorry my dear Brother.
Although i may argue with him like no one's business, i still love him.

Other than that, i would also want to say Thanks.
Thank You! To those who once hurt me, and made me upset.
Thank You! To those who allowed me to cry on their shoulders.
Thank You! To those who comfort me when I'm at my weakest.
Thank You! To those who have made me smile like I'm the happiest girl on earth.
Thank You! To those who loved me with all their heart and soul.
Thank You! To those who once loved me.
Thank You! To those who have always been there by my side for me.
Thank You! To those who became just a "passer-by" in my life.
Thank You! To those who gave me support when i was about to give up.
Thank You! To those who lend a helping hand when situation is in need.
because without you guys, i would not last till today, i would not be growing up,
i would not improve myself, and i would not be who i am today.
Thank you so much. I appreciate it very much.


Once Again,
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! :D

Ewww.... I stink badly right now. Sweat + Rain Drops = Ain't such pleasant mix. Lucky no one beside me. Or else i'll probably cure that persons nose block. Hahaha. I think i'm falling sick :/ Smiling ain't really that tough at this point of time. I just got to express myself, and thanks to blogger, i can. I know i may not be a frequent blogger, but blog is mostly where i spend my time when i'm upset. That's why there's so much of emotional posts. One friend of mine actually spent time reading every single post *other than the Chinese ones, cause he can't understand*, he was like "God..! So emo!". Felt kinda ashamed, like my life has no happy parts, but actually there is. Just that, i really have no time to update so frequent.


So yeahh.. This time is the same, came up here to do some de-stressing blog post, because i really don't know who to tell, how to say it out, and what is actually wrong. Every attempt of mine to tell someone, i'll ended up in tears, and it ain't really a pleasant side of me anyone want to see. The really red eyes, the swollen eye bags, sticky face, and the running nose. The only thing i like about crying is that my double eye lid would actually fold really nicely after a good cry. HAHAHAHA! Ridiculous right? :D But i guess that's a way for me to make myself smile, and comfort myself.


Yesterday was really quite a bad day for me. Since 12 in the afternoon, had a really big argument with my brother. Yes, it's normal happening in my house, we can never really get along unless we need to lie to our parents about things we did. THEN only we would be super co-operative. At times when we argue, then it'll be like world war 3. Screaming and shouting, slamming and banging. I really don't want to argue, but i really can't understand what's going on in his head. My mum always tell me he's treating me like this just because i always talk to him with a bad manner. So i changed, i talked to him nicely, but guess what, when i talk to him nicely, he's still with his freaking idiotic behaviour. I am really bad tempered at times, i'm trying my best to change, but what he is doing to me ain't what i can take all the time. Once or twice, i can take it as a joke, or something like that. but more than that is just going overboard, going over my limitations. I got so pissed off yesterday, that i took my bathe, and just went out through my back door and went to the playground to sit at there like a lost kid, crying. It then started drizzling, i didn't want to go home, so i just walked around my housing area under the rain for more than half an hour. At that point of moment, the little rain droplets became like my best-est friend. One drop by another, dripping onto my face, down my cheeks, and back to the ground. It was exactly like my tears. I really needed someone at that point, but after a while, i felt it would be better if i was alone. Chilling under the rain till my mood was all balanced up.


Have you ever lost someone you really trust? Have you ever felt the feeling of being dumped by someone you thought would be closest to you? Have you ever know how much it hurts being the one dumped? Have you ever thought how difficult it was for someone whom actually just got back up from the past falls to get back up again? I really tried my best to accept everything of yours, but now i'm doubting, are you doing the same thing? Is this really what i deserve? Why only now you would feel like that? Is it something i've done wrong? Why didn't you tell me before hand? Why didn't you approach me about all these serious things? Why did you actually made it seem so simple before and now everything seems so complicated? What do you want right now? What do you want me to do right now? How come so out of a sudden? How all these doubts started going into your mind? I've got just so many question to ask, but when i face you, my courage would then disappear, and all i can do is just go with whatever you say. Exactly like a frightened mice, so afraid things would be worst, and not face the problem. I like to run away form my problems, just thinking that maybe if i open an eye, and closed an eye, things would not turn out worst. I know my mentality is wrong, but i'm just too frightened. The past events haunts me every time i come into these kinda situation, can anyone just understand this weakness of mine? Friendship and Relationship. Same thing. I'm always at the losing end for all these kinda problems. Have been listening to songs the whole night, tears dripping, drowning my pillow. That's the only way to make me sleep, cry till i'm so exhausted, then i'll fall asleep. But i woke up two hours later and did the same thing till 7.30am and decided to go for a jog. Whenever i jog, my stomach would hurt like no ones business, so i just thought of using that pain to try forget temporarily what has happened. It again drizzled after two rounds of jogging, so i decided to take a slow walk in the rain again. Now sitting here, blogging, waiting for everyone to get out from the rooms so that i can do the remaining housework. Keep myself busy - That the only way for me not to cry right now, and i just can pray that everything would eventually turn out right. Have not eaten since yesterday, lunch. Gastric again.